Cornie (core_knee) wrote,

Atkins Diet 2.0

Traditionally, in order to avoid being a disgusting fat ugly person, teenage girls have a choice between two different paths. They could choose bulimia or anorexia to maintain a healthy body weight. While technically they could be bulimic and anorexic, only a mentally unstable person with a poor self-image would attempt such an endeavor. Both methods keep you from becoming that person that everybody rightfully hates because they are fat—I mean who would ever talk to a girl who weighted more that 95 pounds—but both bulimia and anorexia have potential health problems associated with them. Also a good deal of will power is required to maintain this state. Not any more.

With the advent of the Atkins Diet 2.0 you can eat as much as you want and don’t have to worry about forcing yourself to throw up at inconvenient times such as dinner parties or weddings. Just eat some bad uncooked beef and get yourself a tapeworm. With the new tapeworm technology you—the gluttonous social whore—can cram as much food as you want into your food hole. Instead of being processed by your body and being used to make you fat, or keep you healthy it is instead eaten by the loving family of tapeworms living inside of you. No more throwing up either, with tapeworm technology the tapeworms do all of the work. As an added plus if you live in an area of poor sanitary conditions you can spread the wealth to all of your friends for free. As you eat the tapeworm grows inside of you. You do not have to worry about high calorie foods, they just make the tapeworm happier, and don’t worry about looking too healthy; the tapeworm absorbs important vitamins and minerals so you too can look like an anorexic freak human. When you are tired of slowly starving to death just stop eating for a few days and then hold a bowl of milk up to your mouth, Mr. tape worm will come crawling out. I hope this helps you and all of the other fat people out there who just don’t know how to get thin.
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